I don't want to be with him. I am not attracted to him. I do not think that he is attractive. there are many things about him that I do not like. I just want to be friends with him. We dated, he broke my heart, I moved on.
So why is it that when I'm around him, all I can think about are things I shouldn't? Every time he makes a joke and gets that look on his face like he did when we dated, I can't help but swoon a little. I have to look away for fear that I'm blushing. I look at his hands and remember certain... things.... that involved his hands. I don't want to remember these things. He is my friend now. Nothing more. He said I'm not right for him and he's probably not right for me. I don't want to be with him.
But I can't help but think about when we were together or what it would be lke if we were together right now.
"loves come and go and this i know i'm not who you recall anymore
but i must confess you're so much more then i remember
can't help but entertain these thoughts
thoughts of us together" - Anberlin
I don't like him. i really think I just want to be with someone. I'm afraid of being alone. I really shouldn't be with anyone right now. But I see him, I see his face, I hear his jokes, I watch his hands, and I want, just for one moment, for things to be the way they used to be.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Like a bowling ball smashed in your head
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1 comments:
those feelings don't go away terribly quickly unless you distance yourself from the person for a while. my friendships with my exes are possible because there was a lapse after breakup to give us each time to heal. some guys you break up with you should just never talk to again, though. there are a handful of mine that i just ignore. :)
this will probably not get easier until you get married. and then you'll just be smittenly happy and wonder what you ever fretted over.
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