I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I stand for. I don't know what's right, what's wrong, what's sacred, what's profane, what's up and what's down. I'm just living every day and praying that I'm doing SOMETHING right.
I am Shelli. I have everything together. I have never questioned my faith for longer than one day. I have the answers to everything biblical and I would never sacrifice my morals for anything earthly.
What are my morals.
What is right and what is wrong and how do I know the difference?
I am Shelli. I am a Bible and Religion major. I read my bible daily, pray 5 times a day, and I always remember every prayer request I say I will pray for. I have overcome every addiction I have come across and I have no interest in anything that will cause me to stray from my walk with God.
Is it possible that God is walking but I'm sitting under a tree? I can hear him now... "Shelli. What are you doing? We're supposed to go for a walk." and I reply "but I know what's going on when I sit under this tree. Go on. I'm sure you'll have fun without me."
And I am listening to Regina Spektor sing over and over again, "Marianne's a bitch."
Who is Marianne and what did she do to deserve this title?
I might know if I listened to the whole song.
Bradley Hathaway has put it the best:
"What's happening here?I was once so alive and now I'm so full of dread and almost deadShow me your wounded head that is lead to communion with the fatherBut where did he go? His presence seems farther and farther away each day but I'm trying so hard to steer his wayYet still lonely and confused on this cold hard ground I lay"
I am Shelli. I know exactly what's going on and I'm not scared at all.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
What has become of me?
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3 comments:
"living every day and praying i do something right."
that's something right, right there. :) and i love it.
and yay for you using blogger!
blogger pwns all other weblogs.
i agree with Leanna with blogger being best. . .and this is coming from two people now who both had xanga and LJ tooooo. hehe.
I love what God says to Cain in Genesis 4:7, "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."
Hopefully this will help too:
"Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law" - Romans 7:20-22
It's good to have questions for God, just make sure that you first go to the Bible for the answers, then go to someone you can ask for perhaps Godly advice who will defend His Word. The more that you grow, the more questions you'll have. It's great that you read your Bible and pray!! very important. Perhaps the next part is taking action to helping those around you and being a servant of others and in the community? Just throwing out some extra ideas to encourage you.
Hey there. You know, God created you ..and He knew that you'd be questioning all this.
You've got a call on your life...to do some pretty hefty things for God ...your calling will take you to some of the hardest places to minister ..to some of the most jaded people on the planet ...some of the most desperate ..and desolate ... and most angry with God.
I went to bed praying for you last night and I wondered .. if you never questioned God, how are you going to really put yourself in the place of those you minister to?
Jesus was made in the likeness of man so that we would identify with him. He became flesh ...so that he could be one of us ..sacrificed as one of us.
What makes us think, as humans? as Christians? That God will save us from the same? What makes us think that we can go to minister to people without fully understanding them, their hurts, their pains, their desires, their questions?
The difference we have is that anchor and the promise that God will never leave us. We have the example of Jesus, in human form, being fully obedient to his Calling of sacrifice for us.
We have the eternal hope, even when we don't feel it.
We were not told we'd be spared from the refining fire, rather, we were told we'd be put through the refining fire.
you'll come through this Shelli, reflecting the Father's face even more than you have ..and you do.
Praying for you my friend.
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