I've been contemplative lately

I haven't updated in a while. My life has been very chaotic, but only emotionally. My parents are getting a divorce, I've started cutting again, and I am a smoker now. I've been searching for God for a year and only now have I found him. Only now have I truly found God, and not the sunday school god I've been told to believe my whole life. He is a lie. I have found God. The God who just is. People don't like to believe in that God because he is a mystery. I like him more than any god I have ever known.
I am happy now. For the first time in a year, I am happy. And I am listening to the Pogues.

Thought #1: People go through phases. Some good, some bad. If someone is going through a bad phase, it doen't mean they've changed or they aren't who you thought they were. Just remember the good parts of them while they're being weird. It's still inside of them. They just need time to figure things out.
Thought #2: While it might be safer to look down as you walk, don't. There are things all around you that you might never be able to see again. There's beauty in everything.
Thought #3: However, you can miss little things if you don't look down sometimes.
Thought #4: Be straight forward and blunt. Beating around the bush just makes things worse. If you have a problem with someone, confront it.
Thought #5: You cannot always depend on other people to give you worth. You must find worth in yourself. People will fail you constantly. Relationships will end. When everything else is gone, you have to be confident in yourself.
Thought #6: It's good to get out of your comfort zone at least once a day. You can accomplish more than you ever thought you could. You are capable of so much more than you think you are.
Thought #7: Nothing is ideal; ever. You have to deal with what is and get over the fact that it's not what you think it should be.
Thought #8A clear, starry night does wonders.
Thought #9: Don't give up on your passions. They might not be logical, but they're the only thing that really makes life worth living. And dont let anyone make you feel inferior for doing so.
Thought #10: We have made a mess of life. Part of me wishes God would pull another Noah and the ark just so we can start from scratch.

Thought #1: skinhead does not equal racist, nazi, or white supremist
Thought #2: If a girl says another girl is hott or pretty, it doesn't mean she's a lesbian. If anything, it probably means she's comparing herself to said girl and wishes she looked like her.
Thought #3: I'm not a lesbian or bi
Thought #4: "If you're gay, that's okay"
Thought #5: People are fragile. Even the ones who come across as being tough and immune to the crap of life. They are fragile.
Thought #6: I need a nap.
Thought #7: I'm tired of not living to my potential. I think i could be incredibally intelligent if only I would pursue more knowledge and not that which will only get me by.
Thought #8: I still like him and it kills me every day knowing he never wants to be with me again. i try not to dwell on it, but i'm not succeeding very well. It's almost been a year.
Thought #9: I really wish I could write and paint better. I feel like I come across as being very artsy but honestly, I'm not. I just look at things in a weird way. i don't know how to convey that into art, though.
Thought #10: College is a scary place full of self-discovery and change. You will question everything you have ever believed and be expected to be okay with it. But sometimes, you just have to cry.