I know my mom means well, but alot of the time, she says things that are the exact wrong thing to say.
I have really bad self-image. I've recovered from an eating disorder, but I still struggle with it. I'm not sure if I'll ever look at myself and actually like what I see. in my eyes, I will always be overweight.
My mother grew up being told that she was fat and ugly. I've seen pictures of her when she was my age and she wasn't. she was BEAUTIFUL. But her mother believed she was overweight and was constantly forcing her go to on diets. My mother believed she was ugly and overweight, and because of that mindset, she is now obese.
Over Thanksgiving break, my mom looked at me in the hotel room and said, "Shelli, you look like you've lost weight. Have you?" I hadn't been trying and, if anything, I thought I had gained weight. A few days later, she was talking with me about how she was losing weight currently. She was talking with me about how when she was my age, she believed she was fat, but she was only 120 pounds. She then proceeded to ask me how much I weighed, guessing around 106. I told her i weighed about 118.
I weigh 118. When she was my age, she was 120. She thought she was fat when she weighed 120. That's just 2 pounds heavier than me. Not to mention, she's about 5'4". I'm 5'2". So our proportions were probably about the same. Except she actually had breasts and I barely do. So I'm sure her waist was even smaller than mine is currently.
How was this conversation supposed to make me feel? Regardless of how many times she told me that I looked good and I was at a good weight, all i can think of is that at 120 pounds, my mom thought she was fat and her mom TOLD her she was fat. I am at 118 and even if she thinks I'm at a good weight, what would her mom say about me? Would she call me fat?
I know my mom means well, but I wish she would just drop the subject of weight and appearence completely. Never talk with me about when she was my age or if I'm looking good or whatever. Because no matter what, it ends with me feeling even more insecure.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
My Mother + Self Image
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2 comments:
your weight is perfect for your height, I would think! Honestly in looking at your pictures over the years I thought you weighed about 90 pounds. I weigh 130 (when not pregnant) but I am happy with that size for my height because growing up I had a very very hard time with being tormented by peers for being too thin and I think I still look really skinny with being 130 (or 145 even which is the most I have ever weighed when not pregnant and I loveeeeed it) and being 5 foot 9. I don't have the mindset that you have about weight but it seems every single woman I know even though they look beautiful and great for their weight complains like crazy! It drives me nutty to hear everyone complain when they are splendid. The flesh doesn't matter. it's your spirit and what you do with your life that lives on. Too many people go crazy about their looks that they prune themselves more on outwardness than on inward spirit.
Maybe your mom now realizes she was far from fat when she was 120? I know that my mom is a bit overweight but to me she isn't fat. She looks at pictures of herself from the past and says, "man I can't believe i thought I was fat back then. look how thin i was!" She actually weighed less than me (but is two inches shorter) for the longest time. She stayed active with playing sports with friends or running after my brothers. She got overweight once she got an office job where she sits in a cubical all the time.
Being pregnant the second time I just hope I can fit in my size 7 jeans again (since I dont have money to buy new ones). It was annoying that I had JUST reached my pre-pregnant weight with Leto when I found out I was pregnant again haha. Thankfully i only gained half the weight this pregnancy that i gained last time since I ate healthier.
sorry this is long. I think that if you saw me complaining about my weight it would make you upset just as it makes me a little upset when I see you do so for yourself because you are so tiny and seriously look gorgeous as is but pay too much attention to it that you would ignore any outsider's opinions probably!!!
You're right, your mom needs to drop it. But, you know as well as anyone, the mirror of someone with distorted body image lies.
I'm guessing, your mom has that lying mirror. (or at least had).
She could probably look at women heavier than her and think how skinny they looked. (at your age, I'd see women 20 to 30 pounds heavier than me and wish I could 'just be as skinny as they are'.
It makes no sense, but that's how the disordered mindset works.
It means nothing ...NOTHING about your weight ..or how she sees you, in fact, as a mother, she isn't seeing you appropriately. (we, as moms ..for good or bad rarely see our kids for what they are)
I wish I had the magic answer for you, but other than you're right, it doesn't help you to hear it ..it plays games with your mind ...and knowning the truth beind it doesn't stop the mind games.
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