My heart is heavy

Rant #1:
Life after death. If you're a christian, you believe in Heaven or Hell. If you're an atheist, you believe in total non-existence. I have found that that scares the shit out of people. It's a rather soothing thought to me, though. I remember a couple discussions with my best friend who believes when he dies, he will no longer exist. In my philosophy class, we discussed this concept and I found that the majority of the class (or at least the majority that spoke) couldn't really grasp it, or they didn't want to. Why is this so terrifying, though? What if I will stop existing when I die? I wont have anything to be afraid of. why be afraid of something that wont exist? You wont be there to experience it. You wont be. Therefore, you cannot fear. Is it the fear that you wont be remembered on earth? Is it the fear that you have this one, small chance, then once you're gone, you actually are gone, never to be reincarnated or to look down and see your loved ones? But this is comforting to me. I have this one life, this small vapor of a life, and if when I die, I no longer exist, then I don't really care. I'll do what I can in this life, live the best I can, enjoy the most I can, care for the people that I can, help those I can, and once it's over, it's over. I like that. I like that alot.

Rant #2:
Christianity. Christianity and Homosexuality. I fucking hate how we have fucked up christianity. I've been conversing with a girl from my hometown over her faith. She grew up apostolic, stopped going because she thought the regulations were ridiculous, and was then told she's going to hell. She has also discovered the hypocracy running rampant throughout her generation's Christians. She has been completely turned off to Christianity. That should not be the case! Where is Jesus in this? Where is his gospel of love and acceptance? It is lost and we have made it that way. Smoke, cuss, wear pants, have sex before marriage...you're going to hell. God is disgusted with you. You are no longer accepted in the church. All I have to say to that is, fuck that. I see so many books and shirts and whatever else talking about how Jesus was a radical and he hung out with the sinners. that's a good idea to believe in but when it actually comes to fully believing that and living it out the best you can, most Christians fail horribly. We are too afraid of the freedom that comes from living like Christ. We are too afraid to drink beer with prostitutes. Too afraid of what people will think of us. Too afraid taht God will look on that and be ashamed. I believe God looks on us who go to church and sunday school every sunday and wednesday, wears the best dresses we can afford, wears cheesey christian slogan t-shirts (probably made by slaves in a third world country), and who take random verses from the bible to condemn those who we are afraid of, and he is ashamed. We should be ashamed of ourselves! look what we have done to the love Jesus came and fucking died for! We have turned it into rules and regulations and corporate ideals and use it for our OWN glory! I say, fuck that Christianity. I want nothing to do with it. Give me the John the Baptist, camel wearing, desert living religion. Give me the Jesus Christ, law breaking, church shattering, partying with the worst sinners religion. And I mean that. I'm not saying this to get the attention of a youth group at a conference. I'm saying this as a person pissed with what those conferences did to me and are doing to the people I care about back at home. Jesus' Christianity was dangerous. The Christianity I grew up with is anything but. Something has to change.

As for the homosexuality thing...
Well, pretty much repeat everything I've said up there with a homosexual overtone.