Hope

My life has been based on hope. When I was young, it was hope that God would take care of my family when we had no food. When i was in junior high it was hope that God would get me out of my depression so I wouldn't kill myself. When I was in highschool it was hope that one day I would be completely over my eating disorder and cutting. While I still have hope regarding most things, my hope has been completely lost when it comes to relationships - friendships or romantic. This past year has been a daily hell as I believed every morning when I woke up that it would be another day alone. My parents' marriage is ending. My boyfriends leave me after 2 months. Friends get tired of me or frustrated with me and leave. I've been filled with bitterness and anger towards ex boyfriends, depression towards my parents, and hopelessness. Marriages that are supposed to last, don't. Friends get scared and leave. I felt as if I was never good enough for anyone, and no matter how hard I tried, every relationship will fail, just as I have seen so many marriages that were supposed to be unifying end in brokenness.
Yesterday I went to the Senior art department theses readings. One girl has worked all year on what she has called "Seamless Marriage". It is a series of sculptures depicting relationships from the beginning, when both people are two complete seperate beings, and gradually to their unification, to where the seams cannot even be seen. At first I was angry. It was unrealistic. I felt as though she was looking at relationships through rose colored glasses because she is about to get married. She has high hopes for her marriage. However, I realized that when she was little, her parents got a divorce. She has seen first hand the broken unification of a marriage. And yet she still stands strong that if two people become like the sculptures, fitting themselves to each other and eventually unifying themselves to one another to where you can't tell where one ends and the other begins, the marriage stands. The people are grounded in each other. IT lasts. It reminds me of a MeWithoutYou song that says, "I'll ring Your doorbell until You let me in and I can no longer tell where You end and I begin."
I don't see many relationships that depict this hopeful and successful unity. However, God created us for community. "it is not good for man to be alone". In order for two people to be shaped to each other, alot of molding and scratching at the surface must be done. It's a long process, painful, tiring, and sometimes seems hopeless. But after sometimes many tries, eventually two people will become so unified that they are seamless. Their relationship is grounded in each other, and they are one.
There is hope.