There are times I feel as though I've thrown my life away. I left the one University that I really felt like I belonged to. Ever since then, I've been wandering around aimlessly. I still think about the friends I left there. The future I left there. I had a future there, and I threw it away for life with my father in our apartment that smells like piss. I'm supposed to be moving to California with my boyfriend in less than a year. No money to my name. No car. And a sense of hopelessness that I can't shake. I used to be driven to write, driven to paint, driven to make a fucking difference in the world. And now, I'm driven to work, driven to school, driven to get as much sleep in as I can. This is exactly the life I knew I should never have. A life of meaninglessness. Without a purpose, I feel hopeless. I feel as though I've thrown my only chance to be who I want to be away when I moved back here to Oklahoma. Maybe that's why I'm so gung-ho about moving to California. It's been my dream to live there my whole life. But I don't want to use it as an escape. I don't want to live my life moving from place to place just so I can escape the dreaded 9-5, routine days life will always become. I'm afraid that money will rule me. A career will rule me. I'll want to buy a nice house in the suburbs and send my kids to band camp. That's not who I ever wanted to be. That's not who I want to be.
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All we little unvamps, once were sluts, were whores, were tramps, but now we are the bride of Jesus Christ!
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About Me
- baby_unvamp
- Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, United States
- I'm 21 from Oklahoma. I was a Bible and Religion major but now I'm attending Oklahoma City University and I'm back to being "an artist". My hair hasn't been it's natural color since I've been in Junior High. I am so completely in love with Jesus. I'm very open-minded but I'm also strong about my beliefs.
Followers
Favorite Bible Verses
- My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever - Psalm 73:26
- Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." - Lamentations 3:21-24
- There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus - Galatians 3:28
- But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:8
- He took her by the hand and said, "Talitha koum!" (which means, "Little girl, I say to you, get up!" - Mark 5:41
- Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye" when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. - Matthew 7:3-5
- No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. - Matthew 6:24
- I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore, be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. - Matthew 10:16
- And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. - Joel 2:28-29
- Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have not compassion on the son she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you. - Isaiah 49:15
- He must become greater; I must become less - John 3:30
3 comments:
. . I urge you to search and place your hope in God. Do not turn away from the only person who's screaming out for you to notice He loves you more than anything you can know!
Don't forget Jesus has a dream for you and your life and knows what is best for you. I don't recommend moving in with your boyfriend. It could lead to a lot of issues, and I only tell you this because both of my brothers and many people i've known in life have lived with people before marriage and I've seen the harm that comes to this choice.
I love you and hope you will dig God's word, because He will tell you things through his breathing living Word what He wants for you.
Just know that even if you feel you threw your life away, there is always a way out and a way to grow again and have hope. You're still young and still have purpose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now that you own it, do something about it. You can... and only you can. When you have a little time, read the book "Tuesdays With Morrie" by Mitch Albom. I think it will help.
hang in there girl, there is a plan. The plan DOES involve things you don't expect and it is human nature to constantly think the grass is greener somewhere else. You know, it probably is greener somewhere else but that grass isn't meant for you yet. What you are in/going through now is meant to build character later on. If it is free it has less value, you gotta earn it.
Source: James 1:2-3 -
'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.'
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